30 Rock Season 7, Episode 1 “The Beginning of the End”
We begin with Liz Lemon turning toward the camera in front of the NBC building holding what appears to be a baby. She exclaims that he now and everything and is moving on. She then breaks character and tells Tracy Jordan, who is standing off camera, that is how he says the two lines he has been given. She also throws the fake baby at him. Liz then scolds a passing car that honks at her for standing in the middle of the road. Jack gets out of the car and they talk about how great NYC is and asks Liz what puzzles she did on her vacation. Liz names every individual puzzle she did as they enter the building and go through security. In front of the elevator, Jack asks Liz how her boyfriend, Chris, is. Liz says they are “trying.” Jacks asks what positions they have tried and Liz gets defensive and claims there is only one as they enter the elevator. Jack changes the subject and talks about himself. He says his divorce went fine and “thanks to a round of gold with Archbishop Dolan, I was never married.” Jack then asks Liz if she’s seen the new NBC fall line-up. Liz says she has begrudgingly.
Cut to a comedic montage featuring a show starring Jonathan Silverman as a Doctor with a hunchback slave and a block of time on Thursday evenings devoted to an informational show you get when you stay in a hotel room.
Cut back to Liz and Jack walking into his office. Liz notices Jack’s Indian secretary, Jonathan, has returned. Jack claims Jonathan crawled his way back, but Jonathan clarifies that his grandmother was sick and he had to go to Salinas to bath her, and makes it clear that he still does not like Liz. Liz then walks into Jack’s office and notices that a giant poster of the new show, “God Cop,” stands in the center of the room. Jack explains that he is excited about this new show about a cop who solves crimes with God, who cannot tell him the identities of the criminals. Liz wonders how that is possible and Jack answers it is all explained in the pilot by a wise black man played by Carl Malone. Jack says he had no choice b/c his boss is retiring since he just bought a skiff. He says that he has vowed to keep cabletown in his own family and this is his way of changing his mind with shows like “OJ Simpson Live and Rule of 3’s.” Liz exclaims, “oh, brother,” which gives Jack the idea for a new terrible show idea about two jive taking black men hiding in a monastery and orders Jonathan to get an actual green light. Jonathan does this and the opening credits roll.
Jenna runs screaming into the writer’s room and drops a box filled with dead doves onto the table, claiming they arrived dead upon delivery. One of the writers claims a dove corpse got caught on his tongue when Jenna empties the box on his lap. Liz grabs Jenna into her office says she will show her a youtube clip of Taylor Swift getting injured. Jenna then breaks character and acts normal again, saying this was just a drill. Jenna assures her that everyone has to be on their toes for her wedding year b/c she will be a nightmare and reveals she killed the doves herself. Liz says that she is always a perfectionist – monster as Jenna calls it – so how could she be any worse? Jenna says she doesn’t know, but it’ll be fun to find out. Jenna won’t tell Liz when the wedding is b/c she wants a secret celebrity wedding, like Beyonce and Natalie Portman. Jenna asks Liz to be her maid of honor since she’s known her the longest. Liz doesn’t want to do it, but agrees after Jenna intensely squeezes her hand, hurting her. Jenna then informs Liz that she is in charge of her bachelorette party and wants a stripper from every ethnicity and tells her to start looking for Indian b/c they’re the hardest.
Cut to Kenneth walking towards Tracy in his dressing room, asking about his girlfriend, Hazel. Kenneth says he’s been living with Hazel for a while now and they’ve only gotten to second base, which includes sharing a yogurt. He says they are saving themselves for something special, but since she’s Kenneth’s first girlfriend, he doesn’t know what to do. Tracy tells him to do everything she says b/c she is right and he has to serve and honor her b/c she is his “queen.” Then, Tracy asks Kenneth to find out why his wife has been in the hospital for a week.
Cut to Liz on the set of TJL. Liz sees Jack giving show deals to every writer that pitches a bad idea. Liz wonders what has gotten into Jack and Jack says that he wishes that any other company had bought NBC besides cabletown and that he has no future. Liz asks Jack if he realizes how terrible his new shows are, like the game show “Homonym?” We see a clip of the show where the contestant is always guessing the wrong meaning of the word and the host won’t let him look at the card. Liz says she understands what Jack is doing b/c time is running out and relates it to her wondering if she has any biological eggs left. Jack admits that he knows what he doing and gives Liz the brush.
Cut to Hazel and Kenneth approaching Tracy in wardrobe. Hazel invites Tracy to dinner and that he heard that he started his own movie studio over the summer. Hazel clearly wants to know if he has a part she’d be good for and that her best known role is running across the stage at the Broadway “Sister Act.” They leave when Tracy reveals that the episode of Family Matters he was on where he came to dinner wasn’t supposed to have him on it until he went looking for money he was owed. Liz and Jenna enter and Jenna says they cannot stay at the Palms in Vegas b/c one person wants her dead and the other is in love with her and she doesn’t remember which is which. Jenna quickly exists. Liz looks to Tracy for advice on how to rid herself of being maid of honor since Jenna is too demanding. Tracy says she should tank at the task on purpose. Liz says that is not the right thing to do and uses Jack as an example since he would never do such a thing. Liz then notices that the NBC line-up that night includes Joe Rogan playing Nelson Mandela, cricket night in America, then Gary Sinese’s band on The Tonight Show. Liz then realizes what Jack is really up to.
Liz walks onto “God Cop”’s set and confronts Jack. Jack denies it at first. Liz then realizes that Jack cast himself as God on “God Cop.” Jack then takes Liz aside and admits to running the company into the ground so Hank sell the company since it will be a money losing embarrassment. Jack says this has been going on for only six years. Jack says he has an investor lined up who will buy the company who runs the Paas easter egg company. Jack says he does not want to sit at a non-CEO reunion table with women. Jack says Liz doesn’t understand b/c she’s never worked for a well-run company before. Liz agrees since she used to run an all-female theater company where all the women were vice president. Jack promises that Liz will finally have a life after seven years. Liz wonders if it doesn’t work. Jack acknowledges it that is a risk, but sometimes to you have to build something better out of the rubble. Liz asks who jack thinks he is. A stagehand then refers to jack as God, since that is who jack is playing on the show.
We see Jack on the show saying what he has learned as God. Kenneth is seen watching the show from his house with Hazel. Kenneth wonders why God is learning anything since he is God. Tracy arrives with an oven pan that appears to be food, but isn’t. He tells Hazel to fire up the oven and put his snake in it while she is giving birth. Hazel smiles and obeys since she clearly wants something from Tracy. Kenneth offers appetizers in the form of medicine bottles and Pepto Bismo. Tracy says their home is terrible. They mention the weather sarcastically. Hazel sits and asks Tracy if he has any roles for white women. Tracy says he always has one role for a white person: the villain. Hazel mentions she ruined the premiere of “Para Norman,” which got her written up in the Hollywood Reporter and does accents. Hazel then butchers an Asian accent while Kenneth kills a sturgeon with a hammer.
Cut to Liz at NBC. Jenna approaches her and tells Liz she has to be in charge of a handicapped dig. Liz says she is allergic to dogs. Jenna says the dog id hairless b/c of his insanity medication. Jenna then tells Liz she has to carry around a neon green bridesmaid’s dress at all times. Liz says she cannot wear green b/c it makes her look like the Wicked Witch of the West. Jenna then reveals the cake will be tasteless foam. Liz then sees that NBC’s new reality show is called “Tank It,” a show about grandpas wearing tank tops and getting laughed at. Liz has had enough and says she cannot do it b/c Jenna’s surprise bachelorette party is tonight. Jenna gets excited and Liz tells her to get her hopes up, but Liz has other plans.
Cut to Hazel and Kenneth’s house. Kenneth wants to serve government ice cream, but Hazel says no. Kenneth leaves after wondering if they are serving ice at the prison they apparently live by. Hazel then rubs Tracy’s hand and says it is so cool that he did not acknowledge that she was rubbing her foot on his all night. Tracy then reveals that he wears shoe stuffing and didn’t feel a thing. Hazel then stands and starts seducing Tracy.
Liz then brings Jenna blindfolded to her house. Liz says the party is starting and takes the blindfold off Jenna. An excited Jenna says she smells Italian men. Jenna is disappointed to see a disheveled clown and three unattractive women. Liz reveals they are a co-worker and two of her neighbors with the clown. There is a “God Cop” marathon playing on the television. Then, Liz reveals what appears to be a male stripper dresses as a cop, who just warns them about identity theft. Jenna then breaks a glass in her hand. Li reveals that she just did this to disappoint Jenna since she is not right to be her maid of honor and wonders what is the worst Jenna could do to her. Jenna then levitates and howls like a demon.
Hazel is holding Tracy in her arms and says that they should just get it on and unfashions the top of her dress to reveal blue nipples, which freaks Tracy out. Tracy says he is married, then hazel reveals she is to….to a man in a coma. Tracy says he will tell Kenneth. Hazel says to try. Tracy then runs away b/c he doesn’t want to try.
Jenna is trashing Liz’s apt. Liz tells Jenna to get a famous friend to be her maid of honor. Jenna says she wanted Liz b/c she isn’t famous. Jenna kicks a hole in the wall and sits down and pouts. Liz decides to build something from the rubble and tells Jenna the only person who could be her maid of honor is her. Jenna then says she wants her maid of honor to sing, do a fashion show all night and arrive in a wheelchair and stand up for everyone to applaud her. Liz then looks at the television screen where Jack seems to break the 4th wall and tells her that his plan actually works and asks Liz directly is she is on board. The actor then complains that jack just called him Liz and jack says they can fix it in editing and asks Jonathan for his car.
Back at NBC, Tracy tells Kenneth that Hazel came on to him because she wants a part in his movie. Hazel denies it and tries to make it sound like she rejected Tracy b/c she would never sleep her way into a part. Kenneth must decide between the two, he wants to go with Tracy but he remembers Tracy said to always do what his girlfriend tells him, so he should go with Hazel. However, he realizes that going with Hazel would make Tracy wrong and Tracey is never wrong. Kenneth doesn’t think they can both be right. Hazel and Tracy both wag their tongues at Kenneth suggestively. Kenneth decides they are both right, which is like kissing your sister, which is a delightful treat for Kenneth. Hazel vows to get Tracy out of NBC in six months. Tracy then says he has an hearing problem and vows to get rid of Hazel in six months.
In Jack’s office, Liz says that she has seen the light of Jack’s plan. Jack says helping him to tank NBC will help herself. Jack offers Liz a glass of wine. Liz says she doesn’t want to b/c it is only 9:30 in the morning. Jack assures her that they aren’t trying to do a good job. Liz takes the glass and agrees to the plan. They toast, Liz drinks the glass, and Jack drinks out of the bottle.
During the end credits, we see more of the “Homonym” game show where the contestant finally has enough of the host after he informs him that the meaning of “au pair” could also be referring to a fruit, and storms off the set.
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