Two and a Half Men
Season 10, Episode 1
“I Changed My Mind About the Milk” Walden plans a surprise for Zoey’s birthday.
Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher) decides to ask Zoey (Sophie Winkleman) to marry him, and he asks Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) to be the best man for the wedding. Berta (Conchata Ferrell) jokes that Alan couldn’t be the best man, so Walden offers Alan the role of maid of honor. Berta states that if she was as hot as Walden she would never get married, she would simply wear her (his) penis down to a numb until it looked like a “golf pencil.” Alan jokes that a golf pencil, “does a lot of scoring.” (LOL!)
For the season finale there is a new opening scene with Jake Harper in his military uniform. Jake Harper does not make an appearance on the season opener.
Walden brings Zoey to a fancy restaurant, toasts to her birthday, and then asks her to marry him. He sets off fireworks as he states that the first time he saw Zoey, “it was like fireworks.” Walden jokes that, “when a man loves a woman he can’t keep his mind on nothing else . . . he’d give up all his comforts and sleep out in the rain,” and Michael Bolton jumps up from behind Ashton to sing, “When a Man Loves a Woman.” It was an amazing Micheal Bolton performance!
Walden asks Zoey to marry him, and she states, “No, I’m sorry, I can’t do it,” as she bolts out. Walden screams, “shut up, Bolton!”
Meanwhile Alan is worried about what he will do if Walden marries Zoey. Alan asks his mom if he can live with her and she states, “NO!”
The doorbell rings and Michael Bolton is there with a drunk Walden. Walden is distraught that Zoey said no, and is now ignoring him. Walden states that he should have hired Josh Groban instead of Michael Bolton.
Evelyn Harper, Alan’s mother, is excited to see Michael Bolton, and states that she has a vibrator named after him.
Walden leaves a voicemail for Zoey and asks if the ring wasn’t big enough, or if it was Bolton that made her say no. Walden is pissed off at Bolton, while Michael Bolton states, “I can’t believe the things I do for money.” Evelyn states, “you won’t believe the things I’ll do for free!” (va va va voom). It does not appear, however, that Evelyn and Michael Bolton hook up on this episode.
Alan brings a drunken Walden to Zoey’s apartment, and Zoey asks if they can wait until tomorrow to talk. Zoey states, “it’s complicated,” and Walden states, “peeing with morning wood is complicated.”
Zoey tells Walden that there is “someone else.” It is somebody that Zoey knows from a long time ago, and he (her longlost friend) really needs her right now. Walden tells her that she might as well have just hooked up with his loser friend (Alan).
The next morning Berta tells Alan that she thinks Zoey is crazy for not marrying Walden. Walden wakes up and asks Berta for her infamous pot brownies. Berta states that she will always have the marijuana brownies until glaucoma is cured. Walden breaks down the list comparing himself to the other guy, who he decides to call “Dick.” Walden writes out all of the reasons why he is better than “Dick.” He gets upset and states, “Zoey loves DICK!”
Walden hugs Alan tightly as Walden reminisces about Zoey’s tight butt and how their bodies fit together so nicely. Berta is wishing that it was her that was comforting Walden instead of Alan.
Walden goes to the bar with Alan, and Walden jokes that he should just become gay. They joke that they can get married and go to Pottery Barn. They can cook some couscous and go inside to watch the game after cooking some Ahi or steak. They argue over whose last name to take, and decide to just hyphenate their names. Alan asks if they would have sex like gay guys do, and Walden states that he would be having sex more like a guy, while Alan would have sex more like how a female does.
Alan states that he wouldn’t sign a prenup with Walden. Meanwhile a blonde lady sits next to Walden, and their gay marriage is off. The blonde girl comes back to the house, and starts to kiss the new girl. The new girl starts transforming into Zoey in front of his eyes. They are both as high as kites.
They decide to go to bed together. Now he starts visualizing the blonde as his ex-wife. And then he starts visualizing his mother in the blonde. Walden might just be “a little too high” to be with this new girl. And lastly, Walden visualizes Michael Bolton as his sex partner.
The blonde girl storms out when she realizes she was mistaken for Michael Bolton. Walden vows not to have marijuana for a while. Meanwhile, his mother, Zoey, and ex-wife all show up on his back patio to talk with him. Alan sees this craziness, and states, “there is no way I’m signing a prenup!”
Upcoming Episodes of Two and a Half Men:
Season 10, Episode 2 - ”A Big Bag of Dog” Episode Synopsis: Walden’s mental health deteriorates after his breakup with Zoey. Original Air Date: October 4, 2012
Season 10, Episode 3 – “Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt” Episode Synopsis: Alan and Lyndsey vow to liven up their sex life. Original Air Date: October 11, 2012
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